I'd seen some of the movie back when it came out in 2009 and even as a ten year old I thought it was vile. I don't know what came over me that made me want to repeat the experience, but I did. And let me tell you... it was the worst movie I've ever seen.
However, while watching these 128 mins of utter trash, I had the idea to blog about how bad the movie was and started taking notes on everything faulty that made me laugh out loud. People think bad horror movies are funny, right?
Anyway, as I continued watching all the bad writing, horrid acting, excessive female nudity & problematic themes (the dwarf woman that they depicted as lonely, perverted and for some reason... stupid) I got to thinking, what do killers in slasher films do when they're off screen?
For real, though, what do they do when they're not on camera killing a character or watching the dumb blonde have sex with the douche jock? So many questions, none of them important, but all of them begging to be asked.
Do they eat?
Have you ever thought about this? Can Michael Myers from Halloween just take off his mask and go get a Big Mac from a McDonald's drive thru?
 | |||
| "I'd like a number 4 with large fries and no pickles" |
Does Jason from Friday the 13th know how to cook? When he's note chopping up horny teenagers, is he chopping up steaks for dinner? Are flaming hot Cheetos his favorite snack?
 | |
| chillin', killin' |
Do they use the bathroom?
Do
they ever need to take a bathroom break in between killings? I'd pay to watch a
slasher movie where the killers goes to the bathroom on screen. But that's just
me.
I think maybe that's why Ghost Face are my favorite slasher villains, they're human. They fall, they're clumsy, they take off the mask and become themselves again. He had a voice, which until Scream, no slasher villain spoke. They actually have lives other than being psychopathic murderers. That's probably why Ghost Face is the scariest killer of all, and why Scream is so iconic. If you couldn't guess, Scream is my favorite movie of all time and a huge inspiration or the comedy on this blog. I may or may not have gotten dreams as a 12 year old that I was behind the Ghost Face mask and was going around killing everyone I know (and they were not nightmares).
 |
| sexy, human beasts with a raspy voice and dreamy dark eyes |
Anyway, I don’t
want to drag this post for much longer. If you have made it this far. If you
have, you're a real trooper. You can be a good person and share the blog or
give me feedback in the comments/just text me if you have my number or use any
of my social media profiles, it'll help a lot, even if it's negative feedback.
This blog is stupid, but it sure is fun to write.
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